Space for all the amazing and useful phrases of this thinker.
"Kids, you tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is, 'never try'."
"When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something."
ON BEER AND TV
"Homer no function beer well without."
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman."
"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."
"I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me."
ON LIFE, HIMSELF, ETC
"Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."
"I am so Smart! S-M-R-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!"
"I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here."
"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."
"Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that."
Do you have one it has to be up here? Send us a note with the subject line as "Quotes".